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Submitted by: Daniel Kingsley
Most of the calls where individuals feel deeply connected to the person they talk to is a quality of cultivating and listening to the silences according to Public Speaking Courses. It’s crucial to take time to allow the other’s words to settle, or to allow the words that you just said to settle and wait to see what’s next.
The initial and most noticeable advantage to this is that while doing this, it decreases the habit to interrupt. The discussion becomes more interesting and you are more curious about what the other has to say and this has a huge effect on the way of listening and on the relationship with this person. You no longer think about the response when you’re listening, you’re only listening. And this means when it comes to a response, you’ve been really able to hear what the other had to say – not only their words but the 90% of the communication that is conveyed beyond the words themselves. Therefore, it’s a lot easier to respond in a way that’s completely appropriate and in a way that satisfies them.
The second advantage is quite subtle. Paying attention to the silences somehow shifts the attention beyond to the bigger image. You can notice the trees and clouds outside the window, the space seems to expand, “You” seem less significant. This makes it a lot easier to see the discussion from a less personal view. It’s a lot simpler to let go of strongly held points of view and to see it from the other’s perspective and also see a much wider and more global perspective. This is both relaxing and also very powerful.
The third advantage is connected to the second, which is that the other person tends to get drawn into this bigger picture. There’s often simultaneously a way deeper sense of personal connection, while the selfish personal aspects are somehow taken less seriously by both sides. This is greatly releasing and very beneficial to develop relationships and to resolve issues. It is a deeply creative space.
And yet, don’t start phone calls with half a minute of silence – you might freak out whoever you’re talking to! Allow a bit longer silences than usual and perhaps allow these to lengthen as the phone call progresses or as the situation seems to require it.
And this principle surely influences hugely when speaking in public. You could start your talk by spending 10 or 15 seconds making eye contact with the audience in silence, as you may have noticed that lots of the top speakers do. Take the necessary time while speaking to stop to allow your words to sink in and wait to hear and see what really needs to be said after that. Let go of the idea that silence is something to be filled and allow it to be a friend. It really makes a big difference.
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